The Intimacy Trap, Balancing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex carries enormous meaning and consequences.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be excellent too).

B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are attracted to incredibly difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , causing powerful feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, love, wellness, and closeness .

When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is fantastic!" They probably would not confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with check my reference gay males, states that numerous of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay males especially this hyperlink in cosmopolitan locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".

Nonetheless, North adds, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow in time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and reality hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, worths, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!

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